I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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