i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
