Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
