ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
