Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
