Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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