youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Shame is for Republicans.
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