shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
