Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize