just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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