In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
