wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
