the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
