hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
