sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
