i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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