I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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