So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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