I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
