I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
