Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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