"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
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