This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
