oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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