My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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