I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
