I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Can Purell be used as lube?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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