i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
this is an emotional support booty call
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
