I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
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