Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
