I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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