I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
