So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
