you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
