I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize