Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
