I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
