my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
