$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
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