What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
