Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
