I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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