College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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