i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
