finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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