dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
