i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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