so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
