If i come over, it means nothing
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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