wrigley field is MILF paradise
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
