Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
