im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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