So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
