Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize