there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize