you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I currently don't understand fingers.
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