That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
