Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
