Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
