I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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