I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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