Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
