my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
