please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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