Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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