Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
