Is it normal to miss your booty call?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
