I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
