You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
