turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
